My family, yes, had a direct participation in the war. My father supported the guerrillas, he was a person who was convinced that in our country things needed to be changed because the indigenous people are very poor and it’s very difficult to improve their situation. Life in the communities was very hard and my father thought it was necessary to fight, and so he was killed by the soldiers.

But my mother always told us the truth, we always knew the truth about what had happened. I think the most difficult was that we always had to lie, and we had to change our names, all of my family had different names. My brother, my sister, my father, my uncles, had been assassinated in my community, then in 1983 my sister was kidnapped, so we were still being pursued by the military.We had to change houses many times here in Guatemala City, and afterwards all of my siblings were put into schools in different places. I have family that escaped to Mexico, and family that fled to Spain, where they still live even after the war.

But, those of us who are students, we can still have a happy ending.We have the opportunity to study in the university. So, I think that this is what we have to value, we have to be thankful that we have this opportunity.We’re lucky to have this different story. But it’s not the common story, because other families are still living in poverty. Sometimes, when I look at the shoe-shiners, when I look at the people that are prostitutes, or all those people who are working as domestic servants, they have a situation different from ours.

That is, we are lucky in this sense, but I think that we haven’t been able to overcome everything that has happened.We are still suffering from racism, discrimination, exclusion, and we still live in a very divided society.Well, what I believe is that, well…for me, anyway, what most affects me… well….

Kaqla cried. His friends sat, staring away into their own distance, then, one by one they got up to touch his shoulder, bring him a paper cup of water, or walk out of the room. No one said a word.

What I believe is that we’ve lost a lot in the war. I mean, my father had an ideology, my mother, all my family, they actively participated in the changes of the country. I’ve already lost a lot of family, and we lost so much, and I don’t want the war to keep affecting me anymore, I want to overcome all these things, because I believe that until we are stronger ourselves, it will be difficult to support others.

There are a lot of people who are still affected, and they have to heal their wounds.We have to strengthen ourselves, as victims of the war, as survivors, because in the end, this is what we are. We are survivors. And although we are survivors, this doesn’t mean that they haven’t destroyed our lives.We lost the most important thing we had, our family relationships, right? We lost a way of life, of our existence, that we will never be able to get back. Never.

The feeling of surviving came from my mother who protected us.Along the way, we met many good people who helped us. Even though our future was already marked…my mother couldn’t speak Spanish, we were in such a big city, a racist city, and with eight kids, well, surely we would have had a different future than the one that we have now. However, we managed to defy destiny, and we’re alive.

If they ask me if I am resentful, no, I don’t think I’m resentful, but I think that these things hurt, and with much difficulty we will forget them, too.Yes, the pain and suffering lasted a long time, but I think that we can transfer all of this, or at least, what I have done with all the pain that I have, I have converted it into energy, that day-by-day allows me to continue. But during all of these problems I had many crises, emotional, psychological—very strong—and I have had to go into treatment to be able to go on. Because, yes, sometimes, you don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the work that I have done, especially the cases of exhumations, I can see that some people are still very affected, when they are searching for their disappeared family members. I am aware that I’m not prepared to support other people, because I am also still very affected. I haven’t overcome this, and I don’t want to forget. Now more than ever, I want to have with me all that happened in the war, and I want to tell about it, because the war affected my mother a lot, and my brothers and sisters, and everyone who had to hide their history, and who had to invent histories, who had to change the truth so that nothing more would happen to them.

When I first went to school I wanted to study journalism, but instead I studied law, because I became aware that many human rights abuses were committed against us, simply because we were indigenous. I believe that our profession can help us a lot, and that as a lawyer I can contribute to the changes in my country, and work to avoid the abuse against the Maya, that still persists to this day.

Right up until this present moment, we have had to fight a lot and suffer through all of this, to be able to get back our rights. I think all children should know the truth of what happened, they have to know the history of their country. If not, the memory is lost. In the case of my nieces and nephews—yes, at least I have nieces and nephews—I think they should know where they come from, who their grandfather was, who their aunts and uncles were.

They may live in a different situation now, but they should know the truth, because this is the only way they are going to truly understand, and be able to take a coherent point of view in discussions, and be people who really give a damn. And, moreover, they should fight against all the horrible acts committed in the war, so that they don’t ever happen again. For a long time we were afraid, we were afraid because of what had happened to us, and of what was going to happen to us. We thought of forgetting what had happened to us, but more than ever I think that we should not forget.All of the people of the world must know what has occurred here in Guatemala.

Mi nombre es Flor. Yo nací en el año 1982, en San Juan Sacatepéquez, cerca de aquí de la ciudad capital. Mi padre ha sido una persona que se empegó a muchas comunidades. Él se reunía con muchas personas y durante este tiempo, en los años 82 y 83, a mi papá, lo querían matar. Según decían unos de mi pueblo, había un listado que contenía muchos nombres de personas, entre esos estaba el nombre de mi padre. A casa llegaron cartas diciendo que mi padre iba a morir.

No sabían qué hacer, ya con cuatro hijos, ¿a dónde van a ir? No teníamos dinero. Mi padre, por un tiempo, pensó que íbamos a ir a vivir a Petén, un lugar muy lejos de donde vivíamos, para ocultarse. Pero sin embargo, no quiso, él estuvo muy cerca de la Iglesia, el trabajó durante mucho tiempo muy cerca de la Iglesia católica, haciendo muchos proyectos.

Sin embargo, él un tiempo estuvo escondido en la casa. Vivíamos en una casa muy pequeña, incluso hay una parte que ha sido excavada para que mi padre pudiera esconderse. Y mis hermanos nunca, no pudieron salir. Ellos son mayores que yo. Siempre estuvimos muy encerrados. Y todo esto vino a afectar mucho.

Mi madre está… o sea, se enfermó por todo lo que había pasado. Y bueno, luego de que ya todo volvió a la calma, a la normalidad, siempre quedó este gran temor, verdad, de que un día volvería a pasar lo mismo, pero sin embargo no fue así.

Cuando yo terminé la primaria, mi padre ya no quería que yo siguiera estudiando, y eso fue muy duro para mí, porque a mí siempre me gustaba estudiar. Pero él decía: ‘No, ¿para qué? Algún día puede volver este miedo, algún día puede volver a pasar lo mismo. Mejor mira a tu madre, seguí el ejemplo de tu madre, una persona tranquila, nunca le pasó nada!’

Pero sin embargo, no fue así, o sea, yo quiero cambiar, seguir adelante, quiero continuar y sobresalir, ayudar si algún día volviera a pasar lo mismo. Ser una persona que puede defender los derechos. Eso es lo que influyó mucho a que yo estudiara el derecho. Ahora estudio el quinto año en la carrera de derecho.

Todos los niños deben de saber qué sucedía en este tiempo. Porque hay libros que dicen eso, pero escucharlo de alguien es totalmente diferente. A que uno no puede leer.

Quiero saludar a mis compañeros quienes pasaron todo esto, lo siento por ustedes, pero, ánimo, aquí estamos y tenemos que seguir adelante.

My name is Flor. I was born in 1982, in San Juan Sacatepéquez, near the capital city.Well, my father suffered. He was someone who was very active in our community and during the years ’82 and ’83, they wanted to kill him.There were people in my village who had a list of people’s names, and my father’s name was on it. Some cards arrived at our house that said that my father was going to die!

My parents didn’t know what to do, with four kids already, where were they going to go? We didn’t have money. My father considered going to live in the Petén, a place very far from where we lived, to hide. But he didn’t want to go, he was very involved with doing a lot of projects with the Church.

One time he was hidden in the house.We lived in a very small house, including a part that had been excavated so that my father could hide.And my siblings never, ever could go out. We were always enclosed.And all of this has come to affect us very much.

My mother is…that is, she got sick from everything that had happened.And, after everything returned to being calm and normal,ahugefearstayedwithusalways,thatoneday,thesame thing would happen again. But it never did.

When I finished primary school, my father didn’t want me to continue studying, and this was very hard for me, because I always liked to study. But he said,‘No, what for? Some day this fear could return, one day the same thing could happen. It’s better that you follow the example of your mother who is a tranquil person, nothing ever happens to her.’

But, in spite of what he says, I want to change, I want to move ahead, to rise above this, and to be able to help if someday the same thing happens. I want to be someone who can defend our rights.This is what influenced me to study law. Now I am in the fifth year of the law program.

All children should know what happened during that time. There are books that say this, but to hear it from someone is totally different. It’s not something one can read.

I want to salute my companions that experienced all of this, I am very sorry that this happened to you, but anímate! (take heart!) Here we are, and we have to move forward.