Four years later, and it has been worse than we feared. Our borders closed, asylum banned and human rights denied, police killings and racist rhetoric, school and synagogue shootings and a President who praised the “very fine people” who marched with torches in the night. Then a global pandemic killed millions worldwide and destroyed many more jobs and lives. Despite it all, the election is too close to call. Too close for comfort. Too close to bear.

Was this always America? A foreign friend said “yes” four years ago, and it made me so angry. I said “yes” today and it made me recognize that the lies we were taught obscured the hatred our country was born with, and runs through our veins still.

So many millions support him. Not out of economic anxiety, but fear of the unknown and of others and love of money over people. We are not a melting pot but a simmering cauldron that is ready to boil over. And the heat is rising.

3am and I have a belly full of booze and bile. My dog sleeps fitfully, unaware of the news but sensing my strife. Try to go to sleep, there is so much more work to do.

Update: November 6th

Ruth woke me up at 6am, excited to tell me that Georgia and Pennsylvania had gone blue. The votes were counted overnight, but were cast on Election Day or before by mail. If they’d been processed on arrival, we might have avoided some of our late night worrying. A better result, but still closer than we’d like.

When all the votes are counted, around 74 million Americans voted for Biden, while 69 million voted for Trump. But 96 million voting age and eligible Americans didn’t vote at all. What does that say about the relevance of politics to our daily life? How can we make the stakes clear to everyone, and make sure we maintain our democracy for generations to come?